Now I know how an amoeba feels

By John Vogel:

Yesterday our homestudy started; the paperwork started weeks ago, but it did not 'feel' real for me until yesterday.

Let me start by stating that our assigned social worker is very nice, and I could tell that she was working hard to put us at ease (I am not just saying that because she might be monitoring this blog). She spent a lot of time explaining the details, making sure we understood, and never rushed us.

But that did not stop me from scrutinizing myself to the Nth degree.

I know someone who has, what I call, a super-mirror. When she uses this mirror, every tiny speck shows up 20 times larger than life! Imagine every pimple, every freckle, every rogue hair amplified to make your face look like a grotesque side-show freak. I don't know how she does it (and no- I am not referring to my wife). I rather be oblivious to the minor imperfections and satisfied that my skin is generally clean and well kept.

But I digress.

Some of the questions were easy:
"Have you ever been convicted of a felony?" - No
"Have you ever been divorced?" - No
"When was your last traffic violation?" - 2001 (speeding) :^)

Then the questions got tougher:
"Have you ever perpetrated drug abuse?"
"Have you ever perpetrated molestation?"
"Have you ever perpetrated sexual abuse?"

Now, even though the answer were all "No", the idea of being asked is awkward to say the least. (I was wondering if anyone had answered "why, yes- I would get high and abuse my kids all the time. Is that wrong? Should I have not done that?") -ok, back to serious...

Then it got very personal:
"Have you ever gone to therapy?"
"What religion are you?"
"What denomination is that?"
"How much money do you make?"

I wonder if the Chinese government uses this data to develop a plan for world domination. (that's for another blog)

The next part is what made me feel like I was on the wrong end of a super-mirror.

Homework:
Write an autobigraphy. And not a 1 page, double spaced, large font paper describing summer vacation and what my favorite sandwich is.

I had in my hands 5 pages of the most in-depth question I have ever seen! (and I once filled out an application for secret clearance to work in Moscow- true story)
Here are some of the questions I need to elaborate on:
How did your parents issue discipline?
What made you happy/angry?
Describe your significant relationships growing up.
What was your family environment growing up?
Describe changes in your marraige after the honeymoon period ended.
What are some failures that you had?
How long did you date before you were married?
What are your spouses strengths and weaknesses? (does she get to read it afterward?)

So maybe I am over-reacting. But I get the feeling like Ward and June Cleaver are thrilled for the opportunity to share their perfect life experiences, and I would rather keep my history private.

So is my background that bad? I know people with more problems, and people with fewer problems.

I know my skin has blemishes, but I don't need people I have never met writing 10 page reports on each one.

I pray that this process is not as bad as I am making it out to be.

-john